Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
