hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize