She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
