Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Randomize
