I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
