Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
