it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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