I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
