i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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