Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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