Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
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