im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Randomize
