Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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