how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
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