the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
