What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
