why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
My dad just said "fuck circus"
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
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