we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
