so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Randomize
