I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Dick very happy bro
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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