he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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