Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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