Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
