I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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