I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize