No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Randomize
