You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
