I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
