Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
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