i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize
