either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
