went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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