dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
