I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
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