I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
