I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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