since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize