i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
