So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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