ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
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