Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
