I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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