OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Randomize
