I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
