Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Randomize
