I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
