His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Randomize
