just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
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