i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
