What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Randomize
