K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
