THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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