every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
