dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize