I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
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