I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
