im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Randomize
