Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Randomize