totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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