I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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