it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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