I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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