I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Randomize
