There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
