somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Just pee around me
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
