i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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