I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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