happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
And the cops told us we were all naked.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
