he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
