I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
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