the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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