I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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