But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
