You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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